metal can clink

I'm vunrable. I am not a robot.

its okay to say you have a weak spot

recently i feel really strange like nothing means anything, if were all going to die why does anything mean anything, words are just words? and actions are impulses which tissue respond to? and clothes just attract people because of sight which your brain recognises, i always used to believe in the way i feel, so strongly, i would follow what my heart wanted but then a heart isnt thinky, thats your brain, and even then thats just electrical impulses, so now i dont know what i think, i dont know how i feel and and, i just cant move on from this sticky box

touching

kate nash - dont you want to share the guilt
"Barbacue food is good
you invite me out to eat it i should, go
but i'm feeling kinda nervous
and not quite myself
so im running late on purpose
and i know this won't help
how things have become between us
if i go you'll give me help
and that i don't know how to fix it is making me unwell

But, i arrive at your house but you've just got up
and you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark
i help to dry your body and i see your cut
so i give you a plaster and we cover it up
i say have you been crying and you say shut up
so we sit in the garden and touch grass with our hands

The sun is going down now and it's been okay
you tell me all the things you did while i was away, and this worries me so much
you say your fine

Listen, can you hear it?
if you speak, will i feel it?
will it hurt?
and i knew it
i dont know?

I dont know how all people haven't got mental health problems
thinking is one of those stressful things i've ever come across
and not being able to articulate what i want to say drives me crazy
i think i should try and read more books and learn some new words
my sister used to read the dictionary i'm going to start with that
i'd like to travel i want to see india and the pyramids, a whale and that race with all the bycicles in France
i'm not sure about rivers they scare me
but i love swimming i'm good at it
when i swim i think about numbers, i count the laps
when i was younger i saw a house burnt down and i walked past it everyday for the next six years
derelict black chalky and dangerous i wondered if squatters lived there?
still not sure but i know there were not any parties coz they were shit
after a while the council got round to tidying up the town making it less offeciencive here and there
they say it was a nice sore so they threw it down
behind the house there was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word cunt written on it in massive letters and i walked pass that
i like sitting in the park and i like walking through it
i like taking my dogs there and friends and i like being alone
i like flowers and simplicity
i like compassion and thoughtful gifts
i like being able to shout but i wish i could be quiet
but when i'm quiet people think i'm sad and usually i am
sometimes when i'm at a busy trainstation somewhere big with noisy trains like kings cross
i feel like putting down my bags and shouting out because i have something to say
don't you want to share the guilt?
don't think just try and sleep!"

Amazing lyrics.

can i trust it

can i honestly trust thats in space? i mean come on look it, i havent seen it with my own eyes how do i know the Nasa people have just decided to make it up :S HXDKSGFDSZGLDSRGLDSE why am i questioning the one thing that i love the most? I love space and its impossibility but i dont now what to believe any more, nothing i do makes sense, im a peice of meat ~ muscle ~protien ~amino acids ~cells ~DNA that makes no difference to this world at all, so why do i care about whats out there, what there is for me to do, to see, when as an evidential end, the sun is going to explode?





Take me here, take me away to relax and re-think what i want to do with my life, the enthusiasm to 'know' what 'is' is now becoming futile, this isnt like me at all, something needs to grab me quick before i turn into some lame boring twat.