love

"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, only that moon."

practical magic is such a film <3

him

theres never one huh
theres always a bad boy, and then the good one and in your head you know its right to want the nice one but nice ones never want me and when the nice one came along i got scared of hurting them and ran away, and now i miss him, i wish i didnt push away the people who i loved most.

now all i have is this bad boy, he doesnt want me at all, wow



"well i know i make you cry, and i know sometimes you wanna die, but do you really feel alive without me?"

rotation

I'm beginning to realise im in a circle of events
i go through a stage of doubt, and fear, to be reasurred and happy, to not liking who i am, then realising it doesnt matter what people think, and one person can change all that and i have to start again

i still dont know what i am, who i am, why i am, where i want to be, and how i want to affect the things and people that surround me

i dont just want to be that weirdo
i want to be someone that when you go home, they are actually glad that they have seen you, and wouldnt mind spending more than one day with you

ive aso realised at the moment its impossible to stick to one thing
im jumping all over the place, my emotions going mad, eyes sparkling at everything i see.

ive made alot of mistakes in my life, as has everyone, some you cant correct, and that i dont mind, but watching the people move further away from you is what hurts the most, the people who say theyll never leave do, and whats even worse is they dont even realise, and theres nothing you can do, but watch.

im one of those people who doesnt mind sitting alone in a busy place, i dont worry that people think its odd how i am alone, i like watching other people at their business how they react, how their body language is, how they look, their awareness of whats around them. i dont know why i like that, i shouldnt care about anything around me, i should concentrate on what i need to do, but then isnt that selfish to just do what I want. i value so much but all i value contradicts itself, and im not sure what actually is anymore

I used to think words sorted everything out, if i wrote it down, as a paragraph, a poem, a song then it would all be fine

but now im left dazed in a matter of words, dazed because alas, this circle has no end.